Drown

Livian Lai | Moorebank High School (2020)

I would sometimes stand in the corridors at night, the floor beneath me cold, untouched by dirt or dust as it marbled in ways that didn't seem quite terrestrial. The uninterrupted, endless ink that spilled over the horizon spliced the windows in half far too nicely to be considered natural. The only chirping crickets and worthless preserved plaques that lined the walls kept me company. On those nights even the thickest comforter couldn't prevent the icy chill. All the clocks ticked in unison. 

7:23PM 

A vibrating hum clouded my mind; its dull pain chipping at my conscience. The clicking of my heels pelted the driveway as I walked my way up the steps of the house with glass panes showcasing a museum of furniture and art that lay only to be dusted off each morning. She was empty of love, much like I am. 

I guess a home really is a reflection of its owner... 

Fumbling with my keys, I could feel my pencil skirt shifting as my blazer remained tight and taut. Squinting before letting out a groan and slamming my head against the glass door, the stabbing pain at the back of my skull numbed. For just a moment. I took a deep breath. A sigh escaped as my lips rested back and eyes leered towards a distant CBD. 

..1 minute.. 

The stars were sunken into the backdrops of the sky, overshadowed by the noise and coastal lights. My stone steps overlooked the entire neighbourhood; the shops, the homes...the beach. The rippling waves distorted the pearl that was reflected in the pools below. I could feel the buzzing in my head ease as a lull enveloped me - I stared into the infinite sea in front. The keys crashed to the floor and I couldn't take my eyes away from it. Before I knew, I was running. The soles of my feet hammering against the concrete as I sprinted down the hill. 

The trees that hung above, the steel of the stagnant cars along the road. I passed by them one at a time. Shuk. Porch & Parlor. Paradise road. My surroundings started to blur as my vision was tunnelled. I could almost taste it. 

I slid to a screeching halt as the air left my lungs. An illuminated man remained crimson. 

Campbell Parade, just a little more. 

I grasped the street pole, a buoy of sorts. Cayennes and C Classes whizzing by with their condescending hums and screeches. The people beside me mindlessly chattered. Cackles that pierced my head as I whispered down to my chest "sooo f*cking dumb”. I counted to five. Breath in. Out. In. Out. In, out. 

..4 minutes.. 

A green man's pulse reverberated and he now stood winking at me from across the street. Dashing forward my strides became longer. Faster. My mind blanked as my heartbeat rang in my ears. A tunnelling vision brought a pulse that quickened. I could feel every breath of air infiltrating my lungs as I pushed, further and further. 

Before long, there she was. The moon glimmering against her tides. Each crashing wave adds to the crescendo of her song. I could suddenly feel her freckles between my toes. They dispersed as I haphazardly kicked them into the air behind me, passing but between the yellow flags of her smile. My breaths started to staccato as my legs moved and ran me towards her - like a moth drawn to a distant moon. Gravity ushered me into her arms as I soared through the air, clamped my eyes shut and dived in headfirst, perfect form and all. 

I allowed her to swallow me whole as her cold and undiscerning touch nipped at my skin. I settled my body within her embrace. Limp between the tides, within the darkness of her pacific womb, my last breath kept me suspended as they slowly escaped in round bubbles. With the water encasing my ears the world around me stopped. I could hear nothing, yet everything at the same time. The air that fizzled upwards, the soft trickles that slipped past my lips. My muscles tensed and loosened. Slowly I felt her endless warmth within the unknown quietude she gifted me. Drifting as my thoughts bled into each other and became nothing. Suspended within time. 

My eyelids slowly began to slack as the water softly kissed my body, brushing away the activewear-creases and worries. A coldness and celestial glow shrouded my vision as the saltwater danced across my face. 

Without fail, she always guides me to shore, a short term goodbye so rarely said, but too often yearned for. When the back of my head hit the harsh crystals beneath me, I lifted myself using the palms of my hands, though my body now struggling to support my weight. As I hugged myself tighter, I looked to my wrist: 7:47 pm. It has been 3 units since I entered. 

She called out to me, her waves crashed onto the sand. Falling deeper into her spell I turned back. 

I miss her embrace. I want to stay here... But I can't. I'll come back... Tomorrow.