My Big Fat Greek Dilemma
Peter Koralis | Fort Street High School (2021)
People see us as huge, lazy and loud families. And while there is some truth in the kinds of depictions that Hollywood and popular media has portrayed of us distant Athenians, there is more to this tempest that’s sweeping across our community.
This storm starts off on a sunny Easter day of 2018. My entire family; the hundred of them or so were gathered at my god parent’s house for a luncheon. I hadn’t seen my grandmother in a couple of years. And so considering I had hit a growth spurt since, I assumed (hoped) the conversations we’d have would place me at the centre (in a good way). My god sister, Katrina, asked me at point-blank in the middle of the room, “So are you talking to anyone, Peter?” I can’t say I was shocked as I knew this was a question asked at every one of these family gatherings, though immediately it was hard to pull a straight face. “Yeah actually I am” as I gracefully whipped out a photo of a White-Asian girl I was speaking to at the time. My face went red and my jaw dropped in utter surprise at their reactions — specifically my grandmother’s who had responded with;
αχ παναγιώτη, διασκεδάστε με αυτό το κορίτσι τώρα, αλλά θυμηθείτε στο τέλος ότι πρέπει να παντρευτείτε ένα ωραίο Έλληνα κορίτσι. [ahh Peter, have your fun with this girl now but remember in the end you need to marry a nice Greek girl.]
Her response made apparent the intergenerational differences that exist even in the Greek community. Intergenerational difference is a concept that needs unpacking. Historically, these ideas about masculinity and even career have been exported from Greece and it is the struggle for many first - and even second - generation Greek-Australians like myself. Because while my grandparents and, to some extent, my parents look at life through this traditional lens, my cousins and I who are comparably younger, still struggle with these norms and ways of thinking despite our western upbringing and socialisation. Greek men in this sense, have had to be the ‘man’ for their families; they must cook at the family BBQ but never in the kitchen on a regular night, they should work in business positions to generate profits but never support in an administrative capacity. It is this strange phenomena that is of interest to the Fresko (new-fresh) Greek, especially for Greek-Australians growing up in persistently strange times.
To give further clarity to what might seem to be an obfuscatory and seemingly random pattern, let me tell you of another time when I was speaking to my mum about post high school goals.
I’ve always had the dream to study abroad. The only problem is that Greeks don’t do that. They sit in their parents’ houses for as long as possible and parents never really want to let them go. Just earlier this year I remember having a conversation to my parents about how my high school subjects would shape my degree and my life after high school. “So Peter, I thought you wanted to go into medicine, why aren’t you studying any sciences” my mum asked. I tensed up in that moment as I knew where this conversation was heading, “What I want to do after high school is entirely up to me, Mum. Plus, universities overseas don’t require prerequisites”. What followed was a fury of emotion as she belted the classic “after everything we’ve done for you, you want to go overseas and leave us?!”. I was shocked, I felt guilty, but I also felt proud of myself for standing up for what I truly wanted.
And this is at the crux of my Big Fat Greek Dilemma. Family, for my parents, is at the center. While for me, it’s probably 2 degrees off. Though the question here is, should I feel guilty about that?
